I sometimes hang out with chemists at UCI, my husband’s colleagues. I’m their go-to garden consultant, which just goes to show you that a little knowledge is better than none. Recently I got to catch up with Elizabeth at a party. She grinned enthusiastically when she saw me, and said, “Thanks for the gardening advice, it’s working great.” Twenty minutes later she thanked me again, and told me that her new garden is thriving.
The third time Elizabeth thanked me for helping her garden, I said, “Wow, I’m so glad I was able to help. I told you a bunch of stuff. Which piece of gardening advice is the one that you keep raving about?”
“Oh,” she replied. “It was that last thing you said. You told me my plants will do well if I just pay attention to them.”
The third time Elizabeth thanked me for helping her garden, I said, “Wow, I’m so glad I was able to help. I told you a bunch of stuff. Which piece of gardening advice is the one that you keep raving about?”
“Oh,” she replied. “It was that last thing you said. You told me my plants will do well if I just pay attention to them.”
****
Brea Congregational United Church of Christ
July 21, 2019
Paying Attention
Luke 10:38-42 Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. 40 But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; 42 there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Our reading today is one of the profound little stories found only in the Gospel of Luke. Luke’s stories about Jesus emphasize his compassion. Jesus is breaking boundaries of class and ethnicity, and empowering women. I treasure this particular story because it has been interpreted as God inviting women to choose scholarship and religious pursuits over housework. Over the centuries that interpretation has empowered a lot of women. But like all Gospel stories, it is open ended. It’s meant to be the beginning of a conversation. Each time we read it, it may strike us differently.
What struck me this time around was that Mary was paying attention, and Martha was not. Martha was doing good work—showing hospitality to Jesus and his twelve or so friends who had descended on her house. Thirteen young men eat a lot, and there was no takeout pizza to be had anywhere! Martha knew how to play the hostess, how to feed a crowd. She went on autopilot, falling into that familiar role of running a household and ordering her younger sister around. I can relate. What she was not doing was paying attention to Jesus, to the unique opportunity he was offering. Those disciples knew how to barbecue their own fish. By insisting on doing what didn’t fit the situation, Martha made herself miserable.
Mary was paying attention, both to her own values and to what was happening to right then. We can assume she was usually a helpful younger sister. But on this day she realized that this guest was special. He didn’t live nearby; time with him was precious. And he had a message she needed to hear. So she put aside her usual helper role, and received what was being offered to her in that special moment. Because she was paying attention.
Are we paying attention? Do we notice the special moments happening around us, and receive the gifts they hold for us? Do we listen to what the sacred might be saying to us amid the hustle and bustle of our lives? Do we pay attention to how our values intersect our everyday choices? We won’t pay attention all the time; that would be impossible. But some of the time we can slow down, because it does take time, to listen, choose how best to respond, not on autopilot or according to some fixed set of rules, but according to our values, our intuition, our best wisdom, and what is happening right now.
American Buddhists are all about paying attention. They call it mindfulness. They practice it by meditating. Mindfulness is not an end in itself. It’s a way of showing up ready to engage life on life’s terms, getting perspective, a little space from old thoughts and behaviors so that we don’t have to run on autopilot, so we can can best receive what the world has to offer us now, respond out of choice instead of habit. That’s hard work. Well, not hard, exactly, but relentless. You can’t get mindful and stay mindful; you’ve got to do it over and over again. Christians know about paying attention too. We might call it prayer from the heart, or being spirit-led, or seeing God in all things, or following the lure of God.
Paying attention. Knowing about it and doing it are two different things. I have been trying to paying attention for about a month now. Every day I set my intention to pay attention. For at least some small part of the day I actually succeed. Which is fabulous, because my other option is not paying attention at all. And I’m learning so much!
I journal, and that helps me pay attention. For instance, I’ve been paying attention to the value of consideration, and noticing the times I’ve treated people poorly, or at least some of them. Someday I hope to notice this real time. But in the meantime, by noticing, I can clean up my messes after the fact.
I pay attention to social issues. I do research, to try to figure out what’s really going on. That’s hard emotional work. I pay attention to my feelings, give myself space to grieve.
Sometimes I actually pay attention in conversations, to what the other person is saying, instead of what I’m thinking about what they’re saying. Paying attention is what makes relationships work. Actually seeing the other person with their feelings, hopes, longings, fears, instead of our projection onto them who we think they are, or should be. We say of children, “She just wants attention.” Of course. Children needattention, like they need food and water; without it they can’t thrive. Attention is a gift we give to one another.
I’ve also tried a new kind of paying attention: just tuning into my senses and taking things in. I think the Buddhists call this Vipassana. I have no idea if I’m doing it right, but it’s fascinating. I scan the road during my commute to Irvine, just seeing what my senses take in, instead of playing podcasts. The light and shadow, the texture of the asphalt, the weeds in the cracks, things I’ve never noticed before. Paying attention while driving, what a concept. It might help me live longer.
Paying attention that way in my garden and on nature walks has been mind blowing. It’s like opening a book and finding pop-outs, so much is there that I don’t usually notice. The flowers seem to dial up in color till they’re fluorescent.
I’m also trying to notice when I don’t pay attention at all, when I tune out. Binge-watching Netflix, sitting down at my computer and coming back to myself a half hour later not having done the thing I sat down to do, that kind of thing. Am I resting and getting refreshed? Or am I getting stiff and preoccupied and anxious? Do I want to chill for a bit? Or am I just on autopilot? Am I hiding from something I don’t want to face, I don’t want to feel? It’s funny how just noticing that I’m hiding brings some relief, and eventually I get brave enough to face that thing I’m hiding from.
Psychologists tell us that we live in an age of fragmented attention. “Look! Shiny!” Computers, video games, social media, ads, news that shocks and panders… all these things grab at our attention. They will control us if we don’t control them. I have no idea how to fix this even in my own life, perhaps especially in my own life. But I’ve started to pay attention to it happening. And the more I actually pay attention, the more likely I am to catch myself before a half hour has gone by.
An important part of paying attention is watching my judgments of myself for not “doing it better,” how they can make me want to give up the whole project. I can go there. Or I can choose to just start paying attention again. Or I can take a break. Either way, I let go of judging my performance for a little while. What a relief. So here’s a thing I’m learning. If I’m judging, labeling, shoulding… anyone or anything, I’m not paying attention.
You know that person who’s always right? Who can rationalize what they believe despite the facts? They’re not paying attention to what you’re saying, or to any new information that doesn’t fit into their already existing system of thought. In order to learn anything new, we have to really pay attention, make space in our brains for new input that might challenge our old ideas. Things change. People change. If we want to live in the present instead of the past or our own fantasy, we have to pay attention.
It takes time. Children often do it naturally, but most of us adults have to deliberately step out of busyness and demands and worry and distraction. Poor Martha didn’t do that. In my experience the busier we get, the less useful we are. Taking time and pausing, we have a better chance to notice that one thing that is needed right now.
You give your pastors two weeks a year for study leave. That’s smart of you. I’m going on a week-long study leave, starting Saturday. “Mindful Relational Leadership.” It’s taught by a Buddhist climate activist. I’ll be practicing paying attention with the pros. I hope I’ll find some like-minded people to ponder this special moment in history, to pay attention together to hard truths and learn from each other how we might respond. I’ll also get to face all the judgments I have about my ability to meditate, or lack thereof, and about Buddhist theology being dished up as self-evident truth.
Paying attention to my reactions: annoyance, judgment, anxiety, the occasional manic excitement…that’s part of the deal. Because when I notice my reactions, I see the habitual thinking that may be preventing me from paying attention. I can choose to think and act differently, if only for that moment.
I sometimes hang out with chemists at UCI, my husband’s colleagues. I’m their go-to garden consultant, which just goes to show you that a little knowledge is better than none. Recently I got to catch up with Elizabeth at a party. She grinned enthusiastically when she saw me, and said, “Thanks for the gardening advice, it’s working great.” Twenty minutes later she thanked me again, and told me that her new garden is thriving.
The third time Elizabeth thanked me for helping her garden, I said, “Wow, I’m so glad I was able to help. I told you a bunch of stuff. Which piece of gardening advice is the one that you keep raving about?”
“Oh,” she replied. “It was that last thing you said. You told me my plants will do well if I just pay attention to them.”
The third time Elizabeth thanked me for helping her garden, I said, “Wow, I’m so glad I was able to help. I told you a bunch of stuff. Which piece of gardening advice is the one that you keep raving about?”
“Oh,” she replied. “It was that last thing you said. You told me my plants will do well if I just pay attention to them.”
Mystics tell us that we can discover God anywhere and everywhere, if we pay attention. We can join the sacred dance. If we surrender our judgments and worries and expectations, we can begin to hear the sacred music that always surrounds us. We can faithfully follow the One who leads the dance, if we pay attention. That may be too lofty a goal for you. Maybe you just want to appreciate nature’s beauty, or live your values in hard times, or show consideration to your friends, or have a thriving garden. “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing.” We are not told how Martha responded to these words. I hope she took a deep breath, took off her apron, and sat down next to Mary, ready to pay attention. Amen.
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